your a lady

yet you act like such a man sometimes
if i was blind, from your acts and noises id think you were a man. . .then you speak

weirddd

joy

the moment the news is on me kirsty managed to steal the lime light within minutes

i finish uni - kirsty gets au pair interest
im waiting for my grades - kirsty accepts a family
ill graduate - 4 days later kirsty flys out

my graduation will be a pin prick in the turner familys life cos all eyes will be on kirsty getting ready to fly out to america

i just hope that me receiving my grades on friday will last longer than 24 hours. . .chances are that wont happen cos kirsty hears back by the end of this week if the family want her or not
so once again. . .as stated above. . .


in other news, im bored of home now, asked luke if he wanted to meet up tomorrow for a vanilla frapchino with caramel but hes working, and he works in bristol, however he did say if i was in bristol tomorrow hed definately be up for it.
i cant see the whole meeting up thing happening for a long time so im tempted to give up on this scenario now too.
not much luck in my life.
not much going for me at home either, hense why im twiddling my thumbs so much desperate for a job, atleast then my days will be full.

spose i better prepare a welcome back party for my depression!!

IM LEARNING :D

I'm finally learning to stand on my own 2 feet and help myself out rather than relying on other people.
Specially now uni is over, i wont be seeing my best friend pretty much every day so the days we do meet up cannot be negative, hense why im learning!!
Understanding ALOT of things right now, me and you are never gona happen yet i think youll always have a little place in my heart, YOU just need to learn to stand up for yourself and to stand on your own 2 feet then youll never be walked all over again.
It's now been 8 months since becomming single, im off to paris in less than a month and off to florida in exactly 3 months (minus a day) and im becomming totally content with myself.
Even to the point where i handed my number to a guy yesterday. . .i NEVER make the first move, or in fact, id NEVER have the confidence to do what i did yesterday EVER!!
I keep buying new clothes atm but thats ok, its a whole new me, who wants to wear seasme street tshirts and stuff like that any more? im 21, a (nearly) graduate and moving out into the big wide world.
A £30 shopping spree never hurt anyone!! (it kinda does when 2 holidays in the space of 3 months burnt a MASSIVE hole on my bank account) but still. . .you only live once and dad my papa told me yesterday "stay as young as you can for as long as you can"
So what if this Jordan kid never gets in touch with me, atleast i tried!!
He has till Sunday to say yes or no and im not gona let it get to me cos i no longer let men rule my life!!
Fair i still get lonely at night sometimes but thats life!!
My friendship with Tom isnt that great atm either, ever since he got back from holiday we barely speak, i do the whole LET HIM GET INTOUCH WITH ME FIRST now and it works most days!!
Besides, i think SHE is slowly winding herself back into his life again which means im slowly being pushed out of his life. . .fair. . .its pay back, im owed a "FUCK OFF" from him for a year!!

1 thing that bugs me big time is my lack of friends, the friends i do have are the most amazing people in the world, but none of them live in Weston, their all a 2 hour (min) journey away so i cant just be all OH HEY WANA GO FOR A COFFEE IN ABIT?! i cant do that with tom either.
Hes off to Download Festival this weekend and i THINK julya is going. . .apperently he booked his ticket way back in April but still went on about wanting to go till a few weeks ago then was all WHY DID I NEED TO TELL YOU I WAS GONIG?!. . uummmm conversation perhaps?
So hes gona get laid this weekend but its ok, im off to Wrexham this weekend to see Miss Dawn Jones :) = lots of drinking, lots of eating and lots of BBQ times

I dont think me and tom were ever best friends, just a convienence. . .im tempted to make a move on him via text this week to see what happens, just cos he always used to be "WEBCAM?!" and i fell for it every time. . .now i wana see if i was just a convienent for him or if hes just as big of a sleese bag as most men. . .thats if i can get hold of him, hes never around no more atm.
ARK WELL

generally angry

keep loosing all my close best friends

what the fuck have i done wrong to loose people so close to me?

am i really that bad of a person to have my close ones stolen away from me?

stop being so fucking stupid emily and suck it up

alls i need!!!

I just need me a guy to help me get over HIM!!
i cant be dealing with the heartache no more

im totes over him, but im bored of the fact that he always gets what he wants dispite him being a horrible little boy who doseny deserve anything or anyone.

i just want a date, a kiss and a cuddle, to have a warm feeling inside and for my heart to skip a head when i get a kiss on my forehead.

instead im spending every night alone wishing for something to happen.

why is no one interested in me?!

OH JOY

if i had a choice to not eat right now i wouldnt, i loose my appetite BIG TIME every time around this year, i generally just dont feel hungry, but if it wasent for dad calling me and asking me every couple hours if ive eaten then id pass.

got me the most beautifulest pizza for tonught but im really not looking forward to it cos i cant appetite it right now

alls i want to know

is what kinda guy renembers your favourite flowers if their not your boyfriend?! its even impossible for a boyfriend to renember your favourite flowers so why does my best friend of 4 years who i ignored for a year renember my favourite flowers?
why 4 years ago did we both like eachother but ignored it?
why back in janurary when i texted him for the first time in a year did he say he liked me again?
WHY DID I TELL HIM THAT HE WASENT ALOWED TO?!

generally 'miss' him right now and i know deep down im purposely commenting on his wall with names every day so piss off julya so shes gona be all HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THESE PEOPLE BLA BLA BLA
uuummmmm cos even if i do really like him, hes my best friend and thats what best friends do, we pretty much know eachother inside out.
no guy is able to open up about their sadness yet when hes feeling sad he comes to me to talk to. . .they always say if a guy and a girl want to hook up they dont need to know about ex's and problems etc but wheres the fun in that?

i help him and he helps me.
hes apart of my head fuck and i know im apart of his head fuck but hes too nice to say so.
i hope this holiday hes on does him the world of good, i just hope that me commenting him everyday wont confuse him.
ive told him that dispite the fact that i like him in THAT sence, im happy to just keep as friends. . .3 people have asked me this weekend if me and tom are together yet and when i said no were just friends their all HE WILL COME AROUND SOON ENOUGH, HE NEEDS TO QUIT TALKING TO HIS EX, IM TOO GOOD FOR HIM BLA BLA BLA or its I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVENT GOT A LINE OF GUYS AFTER YOU YET IF ITS BEEN 7 MONTHS?!
its cos im not looking for anyone, im happy being single, im just desperate for the company, im scared to go back into a relationship cos im afraid of heartache again.
plus i dont want anyone, i just want it to stop being akward between me and tom, i want us to be able to hug whilst we watch a film.

im just lucky hes a decent guy and that when we do like eachother (never at the same time) it never effects our friendship cos thats more important than fucking it up. . .not even birthday nookie and a webcam session can ruin our friendship